DISCUSSION -
F. Men and Their Children
African American men have so much to give their children: a manly love, care, protection, instructions for living and overcoming through faith in God through Jesus Christ. In the midst of his busy schedule or working long hours; in the midst of seeking healing for his "war wounds" in the work world and the oppressive white racist society that is compounded by the obstacles and hardships of making a living and staying alive, a man must find time, quality time, to spend with his children. African American children need more than a father; they need a "daddy,” a man who is personal, intimate, unselfishly giving and a listening friend. They need his protective presence and his correcting voice.
Children need two (2) parents as bad as an eagle needs two (2) wings. African American children, fortunately, have many good examples of motherhood and the value of a loving, giving mother, but there is a desperate need for fatherly examples that are positive to be displayed in African American homes today.
When African American fathers start giving quality time, daily, and as often as they can, two (2) important things happen between the children and their fathers: (1) he helps them to grow and develop and (2) they help him to grow.
There are many ways fathers help their children to grow as they spend daily, quality time with them; however, seven lessons are mentioned here, through precept and/ or example, that fathers can teach their children.
In the first lesson he teaches his children obedience. Children must be taught obedience. When they do what they are told to do by those in authority over them, they avoid much suffering and enjoy many days.
The second lesson he teaches is toughness. Being able to endure hardness and pain and still be personable and kind is not easy, but it is a part of the growth process.
The third lesson he teaches is how to deal with danger. Teaching sons how to defend themselves and daughters how to avoid danger is a task for fathers.
The fourth lesson he teaches his children is to ask questions. Parents cannot help their children if they do not know what is on their minds. Fathers must encourage their children to ask crazy, "sacred to ask" questions of them and their mothers.
The fifth lesson is to teach his children to be decisive. Fickle people never get anywhere because they are always changing their minds. Fathers should teach their children to keep their minds on their goals, to pray, and to work hard to achieve their goals.
The sixth lesson fathers should teach their children is to respect and love their mother. This lesson is taught more by example than precept. As fathers show respect and love for the children's mother, the children, most times, will follow suit.
The seventh and most important lesson fathers in Christ Jesus can teach their children is their faith in God through Jesus Christ by precept, and most importantly, by example. True faith is "taught" and "caught.” As a man's children see his devotion to God, experience his tenderness, his "tough love" and his forgiveness, they will learn of the power of God in their Dad's life, and, hopefully, ask God's saving power to enter their lives.
Fathers who are divorced from their children's mother must make plans to religiously spend quality time, at least weekly, with their children. Although you divorced their mother, never divorce them! They need you now, more than ever. Let no one, including their mother; stop you from putting in your weekly quality time with your children. There are lessons and values they need to know that only you can share with them.
Fathers should never allow the mother of their children to intimidate them from carrying out their fatherly roles by suggesting they have greater rights over the child because they carried the child nine (9) months in prenatal care. Mothers and fathers have different roles to play in a child's life, but they have equal rights in authority and responsibility for the child's rearing and development.
The second value that comes when fathers spend quality time with their children is that not only do they learn from their fathers, but their fathers learn lessons from them (his children). Seven lessons are mentioned that fathers can learn from their children as they spend quality time with them that will enable them (fathers) to grow.
The first lesson children teach fathers is patience. Children teach parents to get off a schedule as to determine when a child will learn a lesson or accomplish a task. A certain amount of patience must come with our teaching our children and without it, we cannot be effective fathers.
The second lesson children teach fathers is a forgiving spirit. Children can be angry with each other one minute and a few minutes later, they will be playing together and enjoying one another.
The third lesson children teach their fathers is the same lesson their fathers taught them. Children will be tape recorders to your lessons. If you do or say something contrary to what you taught them, they will quickly tell you, "Dad, you are wrong," or "That's not what you taught us.”
The fourth lesson children teach their fathers is dependency. Children know how to stay close to you when they are dependent upon you providing their needs or wants. Children give fathers a perfect example of how God wants fathers to depend upon Him for their needs and the needs of their family.
The fifth lesson children teach their fathers is humility. Seldom does a child hold grudges or is arrogant. A child is easy to approach, easy to talk to, and makes friends quickly. Jesus used a child's manner as a symbol and example for all adults who want to be a part of God's kingdom.
The sixth lesson children teach their fathers is their faith capacity. Children use faith without doubt. If they believe in someone: mother, father, teacher, pastor, coach, etc., they stand on their faith in that person. God wants His children whom He has saved through Jesus Christ to exercise this same childlike faith in Him. Unlike our children, who discover later that their dad can’t do anything or beat anybody, fathers who trust in God will discover, the older they get, that “… They can do all things through Christ Jesus, who strengthens them.” (Philippians 4:13)
A note of caution to fathers. Never love your children more than you love your wife, who mayor may not be their mother. Out of guilt feelings or plain insensitivity, many fathers sometimes begin giving more attention, special love and quality time to their children than their wife. Never let anybody, including your children, come between the special love you have for your wife that makes her the number one (#1) person in your life. This goes for mothers in their relationships with their husbands as well. Children are a precious gift from God that will be around normally, but for a short time. It is their parents' responsibility to nurture them and give them growth experiences that will ready them to lead a life of their own, under God's guidance and care.